Dirac Angestun Gesept

[This was submitted through their online feedback form; the album in question is Cyndi Lauper’s “Body Acoustic”. If there is anyone in the Boston area who has purchased this disc and is unable to return it, I may be willing to buy it used; I’m unwilling to give Sony/BMG any money directly.]

By blatantly distrusting your customers even as you ask them to trust your software on their computers, you have achieved something amazing.

You have convinced me not to buy this album, and done so while I was at the store, with the CD in one hand and my credit card in the other, ready to purchase a CD that I had gone into the store specifically intending to purchase.

The disc went back on the shelf, the credit card went back into my wallet, and I went back out the door.

Congratulations. I’ve been buying CDs for almost 20 years, spending thousands of dollars over that time, and yet this is the first time anyone has managed to do this.

The most ironic factor, though, is that I’m a Mac user; XCP wouldn’t have stopped me from ripping the CD for one second. Even so, I am unwilling to buy a product that is intentionally damaged.

Yes, you’ve actually lost a sale, not because of piracy, but because of your own onerous restrictions on your paying customers.

It’s a shame, really; I like what I’ve heard. However, I’m even leery of buying the album through iTunes; how can I be sure that Sony/BMG won’t try to add similarly onerous requirements via their contract with Apple?

(I’m also sad that I feel I can no longer consider the top-rated Sony LCD HDTV as a purchase option. A company willing to mistreat customers buying an item selling for less than $20 can hardly expect my trust on an item costing over $1000.)

When I was younger, I often noticed that the radio would play a song that reflected my mood, or something I’d been thinking about. (I did figure out that it was a selection effect; after all, I didn’t notice when the song didn’t match.)

Now, of course, we have iPods (and radio stations run like iPods), so it’s pretty random (or not).

Well, yeah, except for the additional selection effects. Not only is there the “I only notice when it’s noticable” effect, there’s the “skip to the next song when this one doesn’t match my mood” effect and the “start picking songs that match my mood using iTunes” effect (especially if I start using Party Shuffle to build an ad-hoc playlist).

This does mean that, at times, sorting my iTunes library by last played date will let me see what my moods have been like for the past few weeks. It also means that if you’re watching my iChat status message, you can sometimes tell what kind of mood I’m in. (One or two similar songs in a row? Probably shuffle play. Half a dozen angry ranty songs? I’m grumpy.)

Today I bought a DVD/CD set of a concert. Well, actually I bought a DVD with a “bonus audio disc”, because Philips would have been crotchety about calling this non-standard thing an audio CD. (Of course, Amazon and Best Buy describe this item as “DVD/CD Set” and “[CD & DVD]” respectively…so I would have a reasonable deceptive description case had I bought it online from either.)

I got it home and, before opening it, noticed the verbiage on the packaging. It had system requirements (Windows yadda yadda yadda, plus “Mac: OK”) and a URL for the copy-protection folks who came up with this scheme.

Before opening this and making it I dutifully went to their website, which explained that the “discs aren’t currently compatible with iTunes or iPod” but that there was “a way for consumers to move content into these environments, despite the challenges noted above.” That link led to their “contact a tech” form.

I did so, and got this response (with the obvious changes in my name, the tech’s name, and the name of the disc purchased).

“If you have a Mac computer you can copy the songs using your iTunes Player as you would normally do.”

That, apparently, is what “Mac: OK” meant in the little system requirements box.

With that reassurance from the DRM vendor, I opened the package and successfully imported the songs. Had that not been the case, I would have returned the unopened package to the store, explaining that I thought I was buying a DVD & CD, not a DVD & useless circular mirror made of plastic.

In this case, therefore, the sale was made only because the DRM was completely ineffective on my chosen platform.

I have just passed the point of having 10,000 tracks in my iTunes library.

In honor of Napster’s “Do The Math” FUD, I bought my 10,000th track from the iTunes Music Store.

In honor of my series of blog posts on cover songs, it was not only a cover, but a Beatles cover.

Finally, in honor of both the Grammy awards and those still suffering the effects of December’s tsunami, it was the tsunami relief benefit version of Across The Universe.

Then I imported my latest CD, Here Come the ABCs by They Might Be Giants.

John Scalzi’s been doing a lot of music blogging over at WHATEVER, with some discussion by Chad Orzel at Uncertain Principles.

It’s been fun to see their back-and-forth on the perfect length for the perfect pop song; from Scalzi’s 3:00 to Orzel’s 4:33 (very funny, Chad) to Scalzi’s 2:42 and Orzel’s 2:42 concurrence.

I didn’t get into the discussion because I don’t know if I’d recognize the perfect pop song if it kept adding itself to my Party Shuffle, and I was in the middle of the Cover Songs sequence, but it’s been fun to watch. (Besides, a lot of my 3:00 songs are Schoolhouse Rock.)

I should do a histogram of the track lengths in my iTunes library; from some 0:04 tracks (They Might Be Giants, some of the “Fingertips” from Apollo 18) on up to 13:40 (Frankie Goes To Hollywood, “Welcome to the Pleasuredome”). There’s also a 14:10, but that one doesn’t count because it’s really a 4:04 song, 10 minutes of silence, and six seconds of irritating noises.

Scalzi’s latest is Hateful Christmas Songs which has generated a bunch of comments. Some of my favorites are mentioned, but I have the Dr. Demento Christmas album, so my taste in holiday songs is already pretty suspect.

Some quick notes from my Holiday playlist:

Most Versions: “Silent Night”, 6 (Jewel, Lisa Hannigan, Sinéad O’Connor, Stevie Nicks [twice, two different versions], and Wilson Phillips).

Shortest: “Deck The Stills”, Barenaked Ladies (0:32)

Longest: “Green Christmas”, Stan Freberg (6:56), but that’s mostly spoken-word; Wham’s “Last Christmas” at 6:44 is the longest song.

Most Improved

Some songs just weren’t that good in the original version, but the covers are great. This basically leaves out all the Beatles covers; it’s hard to beat those (pun not really intended, but left in anyway). However, some artists just aren’t my type as singers, even when they’re great songwriters (yes, Bob Dylan, this means you).

A Hard Rain’s A Gonna Fall - Edie Brickell & New Bohemians (Bob Dylan) All Along The Watchtower - Jimi Hendrix (Bob Dylan) Always Something There To Remind Me - Naked Eyes (Sandie Shaw) Downtown Train - anyone (Tom Waits) Love Is All Around - Wet Wet Wet (The Troggs) Mahna Mahna - The Muppets (Piero Umiliani) Space Oddity - Natalie Merchant (David Bowie)

Lesser-Known Originals

Some songs often aren’t thought of as covers, because the original sank without a trace or otherwise fell into obscurity. Some examples:

Blinded By The Light - Manfred Mann (Bruce Springsteen) Family Man - Hall & Oates (Mike Oldfield) I Fought The Law - The Clash (The Crickets) Mahna Mahna - The Muppets (Piero Umiliani) Tainted Love - Soft Cell (Gloria Jones)

I’d also like to give a special award, “Most Varied Covers“, to one song:

Can’t Help Falling In Love Corey Hart / Erasure / UB40 (Elvis Presley)

Three versions of the same song, each one very clearly done by an artist in their own style. Corey Hart’s is a quieter, elegiac take on the song, reminiscent of “Never Surrender”; Erasure goes for the full-throttle synth-pop approach; UB40 brings their reggae sound to the fore. The song sounds different each time, but is still recognizably the same song as the original.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “yeah, yeah, William Shatner, I’ve heard those.”

Well, yes, but those aren’t the absolute weirdest.

Unlike the previous lists, I’m not going to rank these (except for The Winnah); think of them all as honorable (or dishonorable) mentions except for that one. The rest are in alphabetical order.

I will resist the temptation just to paste in the track listings from the Golden Throats CDs.

Baby, You’re A Rich Man - Fat Boys (originally by the Beatles)

Their versions of “Louie Louie”, “Wipeout”, and “The Twist” aren’t even in the running. A rap version of the Beatles classic, complete with the Human Beat Box’s vocal stylings. (I discovered the Fat Boys in high school, along with Run-DMC and The Time, long before the latter two met Aerosmith and Kevin Smith, respectively.)

Brown Eyed Girl - Everclear (originally by Van Morrison)

A very different take on the classic. Not so far as to become a parody, but it almost doesn’t sound like the same song at first listen.

Caroline, No - They Might Be Giants (originally by the Beach Boys)

Somehow, the concept of TMBG covering the Beach Boys is just weird in and of itself, even though (or particularly because) I like both.

Day Tripper - James Taylor (originally by the Beatles)

Another pair of artists I really like, but I don’t quite understand how this one was supposed to work the way Sweet Baby James sang it.

Don’t Give Up - Willie Nelson (originally by Peter Gabriel)

Also, instead of Kate Bush (or Paula Cole on the “Secret World Live” version), the female vocals were done by Sinéad O’Connor. That pairing alone would put this in the running for weirdest cover. (His covers of “American Tune” and “Graceland” don’t compare.)

Don’t You (Forget About Me) - Billy Idol (originally by Simple Minds)

Billy Idol is not Jim Kerr. (Chrissie Hynde is probably happier that way.)

Hot Hot Hot - Bina Mistry (originally by Buster Poindexter)

Yes, “Hot Hot Hot” done full-on Bollywood style, from Bend It Like Beckham. The version on the soundtrack CD is less funny than the version run over the movie credits, since you lose the visuals and the incongruous mix-ins from the cast, but it’s still pretty darn weird (and fun).

I Am The Walrus - Jim Carrey (originally by the Beatles)

“There! I did it! I defiled a timeless piece of art! For my next trick, I will paint a clown face on the Mona Lisa while using the Shroud of Turin as a dropcloth!” — actual quote from the song

The Joker - Fatboy Slim (originally by the Steve Miller Band)

What can I say about this? It’s exactly what you’d think it is.

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds and Mr. Tambourine Man - William Shatner (originally by the Beatles and Bob Dylan, respectively)

There, I’ve listed them. They’re weird, but lots of people have heard them, so they’re not sufficiently weird. “Mr. Tambourine MAAAAAAAAAN!”

Ohio - Devo (originally by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young)

Not weird in its genesis; Mark Mothersbaugh and Jerry Casale were at Kent State at the time, as was Chrissie Hynde. Very different sound than the original version, of course.

Our Lips Are Sealed - Fun Boy Three (originally by the Go-Go’s)

A much darker, slower version of the original. Not peppy; almost sedated.

Start Me Up - The Folksmen (originally by the Rolling Stones)

From the soundtrack album (but not the movie) A Mighty Wind. The same guys who were Spinal Tap, playing folk-music style. Hysterical.

White Wedding - Herman’s Hermits (originally by Billy Idol)

In response to Idol’s “Don’t You (Forget About Me)”? I don’t know. Peter Noone’s vocals are nothing like the original. He doesn’t go all the way to the music-hall sound of the old Hermits hits like “I’m Henry the 8th I am”, but it’s clearly Herman’s Hermits and nobody else.

Finally, the absolute weirdest cover song in my collection:

Shock the Monkey - Don Ho (originally by Peter Gabriel)

Yes, Don Ho, and it sounds like he’s imitating Bill Murray’s lounge singer from SNL. This absolutely must be heard to be believed. Someone’s even made a video.

I’m restricting this list to the ones that aren’t “so bad they’re good”. That means no Shatner, for example. (I’m saving those for my “weirdest” list.) I’ve also tried to keep it to actual musical artists.

There sure are a lot of bad Beatles covers out there.

1. Hey Jude - The Temptations (originally by the Beatles)

Having the song swing between falsetto and basso profundo just doesn’t work.

1. Hey Jude - Bing Crosby (originally by the Beatles)

Hey Juuuuuuuuuude, don’t be afraaaaaaid….

1. (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction - Devo (originally by the Rolling Stones)

I’m not a big fan of the original, either.

1. Day Tripper - Mae West (originally by the Beatles)

I’m sorry, Mae, but you are not cut out to be a singer. Please stop now.

1. American Pie - Madonna (originally by Don McLean)

A long, long time ago, I can still remember when cover artists sang the whole song! The good news is that, since Madonna didn’t, we only had to listen to this version for about half as long as the classic original.

And now, my Top 10 cover versions of songs. (I don’t have the energy for a top 50 like the Telegraph’s list.) I’ve limited consideration to songs where the original (or at least an earlier cover) is fairly well-known; covers of obscure songs often seem original, and that’s not the point.

1. Get Together - Indigo Girls (originally by The Youngbloods)

This has also been covered by the Carpenters, Wilson Phillips, Keb’ Mo’, Big Mountain (reggae hippie music, what a concept)…lots of folks. This is probably my favorite version, though. It’s true to the spirit of the song, but still clearly the Indigo Girls in style.

1. Stairway to Heaven - Rolf Harris (originally by Led Zeppelin)

If you’ve heard this, you know why I love it. If you haven’t, you need to. It’s “Stairway” done totally “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport”. Wobbleboard, didgeridoo, and all. (If you haven’t heard “Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport”….) I have another 20 or so versions of “Stairway”, but this is far and away my favorite of the batch.

1. Something So Right - Annie Lennox (originally by Paul Simon)

This was long one of my favorite songs in its original incarnation; when Annie Lennox recorded it, that gave me a second favorite version. I do prefer the original’s guitar to the cover’s piano for the melody, but the latter matches Annie’s vocals better.

1. Wild World - Beth Orton (originally by Cat Stevens)

One of two Cat Stevens covers on my list. I particularly like the way that Orton’s vocals add a bit more edge to the song.

1. Downtown Train - Everything But The Girl (originally by Tom Waits)

Most people probably think of the Rod Stewart version rather than the Tom Waits original when they think of this song; it’s also been recorded by Patty Smyth (most famous for “The Warrior” with Scandal). This version from EBTG’s “Acoustic” is my favorite of the batch, though. The combination of the acoustic melody track and the interweaving of the two vocals makes the song much more poignant than the Stewart version or the peppy-poppy Smyth. As for Waits’s vocals…well, his voice is certainly distinctive, isn’t it?

1. More Than This - 10,000 Maniacs (originally by Roxy Music)

This is the post-Natalie Merchant 10,000 Maniacs, proving that Mary Ramsey’s vocals can carry both the song and the band. The original sounds more percussion-heavy to me; I also prefer Ramsey’s voice to Bryan Ferry’s (hey, at least he’s not Tom Waits).

1. Ruby Tuesday - Julian Lennon / The Corrs (originally by the Rolling Stones)

I’m not a big Rolling Stones fan. This song, however, has the distinction of not one but two good cover versions in my library. The original just can’t compare, in my opinion, to either of these; Mick’s no Tom Waits either, but either Julian or Andrea Corr beats him as a vocalist. The Corrs win out for having their version include Ron Wood.

1. The Only Living Boy In New York - Everything But The Girl (originally by Simon & Garfunkel)

The second Paul Simon-written song as well as the second EBTG cover on this list. The original is a classic, one of my all-time favorite songs anyway; this cover basically swaps Simon & Garfunkel for Thorn & Watt on the vocals. There’s a very odd video, as well, which basically involves mime karaoke, or something….

1. Peace Train - 10,000 Maniacs (originally by Cat Stevens)

The second Cat Stevens cover (and the second 10,000 Maniacs track) on this list is this fabled “lost track”, removed from In My Tribe after Yusuf Islam’s comments on Salman Rushdie. It’s since been re-released on Campfire Songs, but I bought In My Tribe on CD before the pressing change. I also have a Richie Havens cover of this, which is sort of a “soul with bongos” version or something. (Not bad, but kind of odd.) The 10,000 Maniacs version (this time with Natalie Merchant, of course) is a bit peppier and upbeat than the original, and to my ear better exemplifies the lyrical message of hope. The video is also of interest, since it wasn’t on Time Capsule for the same reasons that the song was pulled.

1. Everybody Hurts - The Corrs (originally by REM)

One of my favorite REM songs, done acoustically by one of my favorite bands; of course it’s my number one cover. The subdued guitar and drums, Andrea’s voice, Sharon’s violin, and the lyrics themselves combine to make the song one of the most powerful in my collection. I suspect much of the power they give to the song comes from their earlier performance of it after the Omagh bombing for a benefit concert.

I also have the Dashboard Confessional cover, which is not bad; “not bad” just doesn’t compare.

The TorygraphTelegraph has their list of the 50 best cover songs. Chris Cagle over at Left Center Left, where I first saw this, also has his take on some additional inclusions and his “hall of shame” list of worst covers.

I found the list interesting, because I really enjoy having different versions of a song to compare; the rise of “unplugged” or “acoustic” versions adds an additional dimension, and a good acoustic cover of a song really gets my attention. I’m also a sucker for strong Irish female vocalists, so you can guess how much I like the cover tracks on The Corrs’ “Unplugged”. (Lots.)

It’s also interesting to note how many of their top 50 I have; fully 14 of the 50 are in my iTunes music library, and a few of the others are in my iTunes Music Store shopping cart to think about buying.

The cover songs in my collection come from sources all over the place: movie soundtracks, tribute albums (including tributes to specific albums), cover albums, novelty albums, single-track purchases from the iTunes Music Store, and other places. (Soft Cell’s version of “Tainted Love”, far better known than the original, is on lots of 80s compilations, for example.)

Christmas (or other holiday-season) songs are sort of an odd case. In many cases, there isn’t a recorded “original” for them to be a cover of; there also tend to be many more versions of a given song, since it seems like everyone wants to have a Christmas album.

Not counting Christmas songs, I have somewhere over 200 cover songs in iTunes. In future blog posts, I’ll get into my best, worst, and weirdest.